The Brain Status Model

Dear Wof,

When I was in sixth grade, I got one step closer to learning what it took to be cool. How? Well by learning what it took to not be. When you are dubbed “Brain” followed by a numeral(which means a number, like Brain 1, Brain 2, etc.) then you’ve most certainly learned how not to be. I made up a whopping 50% of the Brain populous. I took the humble number of 2. The first looser if you will, which in this case was one step closer to a winner. Slightly less brainy than Brain 1. Which I confess I may have wanted for a brief lapse in judgement. Now, being a Brain meet a few things, but one that was very important. It meant that some of the cool kids wanted you around. Which at first may seem as if you’ve reached cool kid status, but the truth is you just became the host for the parasite. Now, I’m not saying all cool kids are parasites, just the ones that feed on “Brains!”. Yep, brains just like a zombie. They’re all buddy buddy with you come test time, or when the homework is due, but rest assured if you ever go to one of their parties you will be shaving creamed while you sleep. Not that I would know. So Step 1 in how to be cool, don’t be a Brain. You’ll have to pay for Step 2, 3 and so on…or wait until I figure them out.

Signing out,

~ dmp

P.S – Upon entering middle school, the BSM(Brain Status Model) was completely eradicated due to an over saturated Brain market. Turns out not every nerd is brain, and the BSM started to create sects in the nerdom(The Nerd Kingdon). It’s complicated, hence it’s eradication and the NSTA(Nerds Stick Together Act). And, no it’s not real but it sounded good.

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