The Wallflower

Dear WOF

One of my great temptations is to write at someone. Sometimes I want to vent, to passively correct a wrong, but I’d say most of the time I want to impress. And more than likely it’s to impress a girl, but don’t worry it’s not you. Let me take you on a lack luster trip through the rabbit hole.  These temptations leave me in conflict because I can neither say what I want nor articulate my exact motivation. I can hardly see it. It’s just a blurry outline trying to come into focus. Why am I writing this? Her smile fades into focus but when I see it, it fades out. I’m not trying to impress her. I don’t want her. And then it comes back and I see it more clearly. I feel the desire. “Please notice me.” I deny that I would want something so simple. I justify my words claiming that I’m writing something someone else might relate to. But her smile. “Please notice me. Please. I think I’m worth your attention.” But posts are the silent words of a coward. They are a wallflower at a dance eyeing a dame they want to twirl, yet never speaking out. I wouldn’t normally use dame but girl would have made that sentence too cheesy. Continuing…The wallflower just hopes to be noticed, but unnoticed hope leaves them feeling defeated. They want to impress, but both silence and passiveness rarely get attention. That’s the nature of the two. I am the wallflower and so are my words. Wanting so bad to catch the attention of one and failing to see the problems with specificity, fear of failure, motivations, and a host of other things. But that’s what I’m wanting. I can’t eliminate that feeling in this moment but I can’t move forward. Too risky. I want to impress, but I sit here afraid to fail because the goal is too specific. Every egg in one basket, but not one egg in a basket at the same time. Does any of this make sense? My point exactly. What am I trying to say? “Please notice me!” Why are you still sitting there? “Because what if I fail” and to quote my roommates Instagram account. “But what if you fly?”

Then how do you land?


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