Letters to Wof

Wof is the World's Okayest Friend, she may have started out as a real person but I'm not sure she is anymore. She's just Wof, and well that's as okay as it gets. I write her letters, she doesn't respond, so I write her more letters. It's most likely because she exists on a plain that you don't have access to. But rest assured if she ever does respond I'll be sure to share.

Disclaimer: These letters are filled with words. Some 4 letter, some 3 letter, but typically less than 13 letter. These words make sentences which when combined create the letter. If you do not like what you are reading you have every right to rearrange the words or opt out completely. An intact letter may be filled with cheekiness, sass, one sided conversations, bad jokes(of all types), language(typically English), self deprecation, ego, and hints of passive aggression.

For example: "For spelling and grammar please see the 3rd finger from left(this includes your thumb if you are counting from that side), if you are missing fingers just assume the second, or you can email me which ever is easier. The truth of the matter is that I wouldn't flip you the bird. I just thought it was funny. But seriously if the grammar is that bad, delicately give me a few pointers."

I'm pretty sure they are going to let you down in more ways than one, and may even lower my rankings as a human being in your mind. Without further ado welcome to Letters to Wof.

Whoops...one more ado. You're going to have to scroll down or use a quick link below :)


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Dear Wof,

An idea has come to me. Imagine that, cognitive functions A-Okay. Anyways, I’m going to share our letters to the world! Why? Because it’s a better alternative than trying to take it over. And it’s going to make us me MILLIONS of $$$$$$$. Readers will be dying to know all about our one-sided conversations. Maybe even literally from the boring content that revolves around yours truly. They’ll be wondering, how will WOF respond and they’ll be left to wrestle with those wonders. I mean you’re only the Worlds Okayest Friend, so that’s perfectly acceptable. And! I don’t intend to share any of the spoils, unless they are rotten then you can have those. I’m so very generous. It would behoove you to start prepping for the paparazzi though. Some sun glasses would go a long way. The big ones that cover most of your face. Yeah, that would help us all.  ;)

A pinch of sarcasm,

~ dmp

P.S – Seriously though. The big dark sunglasses. Oh, with mirrored lenses so I can see myself a little better.
P.P.S – It just occurred to me that Wof could also be Worst Okayest Friend, or for that matter a series of other things. We’ll have to save that for another day.

Dear Wof,

I have a saying. Do you know what I do with it? I say it. Imagine that. A saying you say. Yep, border line genius. It goes like this. Drum roll please. Dadadadadadaddadada. Is that how you write a drum roll? Did the stutter throw you off. That lone double d. Yep, on purpose, let your OCd embrace that. Also on purposE. Ha!

Think on what you have, not what you don’t, and you’ll be happier.

If someone ever asks who the great man who said that was, say Abraham Lincoln tweeted it. They’ll be confused, but I’m pretty sure you can convince them it was true. Now, you know what I do with that saying? You should. I’ve already answered that. I say it of course, but when I’m lonely AF(As Fuck). Just in case you didn’t get the acronym. I don’t have a problem being lonely, I’d rather be lonely than be with the wrong person. But still, sometimes I just wish I had a wife, and family. I like to think I’m going to be a professional Dad someday. Minus the money part. Not sure you can make money being a Dad? Seems like a good way to lose it. But I don’t have any of that, it’s just not the right time. Wishing it was doesn’t get me anything but a slight panic. I’m what, 33 and SINGLE! Yeah, see what I mean.

Think on what you have. That makes life a lot more pleasant. I have so much to be thankful for. I’ve got an awesome job, some incredible friends, and a wonderful family with nephews and nieces. And not to brag but I’m definitely the cool uncle! You’re just the Okayest Aunt.

Served,

~dmp

P.S – Also note: I am not including you in any of the thanksgiving. Doing so might raise your rank, and we better not do that.

Dear Wof,

When I was in sixth grade, I got one step closer to learning what it took to be cool. How? Well by learning what it took to not be. When you are dubbed “Brain” followed by a numeral(which means a number, like Brain 1, Brain 2, etc.) then you’ve most certainly learned how not to be. I made up a whopping 50% of the Brain populous. I took the humble number of 2. The first looser if you will, which in this case was one step closer to a winner. Slightly less brainy than Brain 1. Which I confess I may have wanted for a brief lapse in judgement. Now, being a Brain meet a few things, but one that was very important. It meant that some of the cool kids wanted you around. Which at first may seem as if you’ve reached cool kid status, but the truth is you just became the host for the parasite. Now, I’m not saying all cool kids are parasites, just the ones that feed on “Brains!”. Yep, brains just like a zombie. They’re all buddy buddy with you come test time, or when the homework is due, but rest assured if you ever go to one of their parties you will be shaving creamed while you sleep. Not that I would know. So Step 1 in how to be cool, don’t be a Brain. You’ll have to pay for Step 2, 3 and so on…or wait until I figure them out.

Signing out,

~ dmp

P.S – Upon entering middle school, the BSM(Brain Status Model) was completely eradicated due to an over saturated Brain market. Turns out not every nerd is brain, and the BSM started to create sects in the nerdom(The Nerd Kingdon). It’s complicated, hence it’s eradication and the NSTA(Nerds Stick Together Act). And, no it’s not real but it sounded good.

Dear Wof,

I used to dream of falling in love. No, not the wet kind. The pure innocent kind, a happily ever after. I could see myself sleeping with a beautiful blonde. No, not you and get your mind out of the gutter. I was just holding her, that’s not to say clothing wasn’t optional. But that’s all I wanted. Just someone to hold, and have family with.

When I actually did fall in love, oh man, did I fall. I might as well have jumped off a building. And you know what happened, I decked. Yep, I hit the ground and she wasn’t there. My heart bounced like a cannon ball. I haven’t loved like that since, and every time I’ve gotten close when I’m about to jump, I step back. There’s a slight chance that the girl does every now and then, but let’s not hurt my ego. For the most part it’s been a good thing, but I’ll spare you those details. The human heart is just weird, but what are you going to do. I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I’m going to take Gentri for a walk. She significantly increases my odds of meeting someone.

Like a Boss,

~dmp

Dear Wof,

I have a funny story for you! Yes, you’re going to laugh. This morning I woke up. If I hadn’t it would be safe to assume that I would be incapable of writing this. Well I guess I could have awoken a zombie, in which case I would still be incapable. But that has nothing to do with the story. Upon awakening I found a clear crusty substance on the sheets. Now I know what you’re thinking and I haven’t owned a bottle of Elmer’s craft glue in years so that was most definitely not it. It could have been egg whites but that would be more runny, and this has more of a jelly consistency.

When my bitch rolled over, I felt residue on her tummy and all over the inside of her legs. So, I grabbed a warm wash cloth and began to clean her. The drying goo was everywhere. I no idea of what it could be until further examination of her nipples. White droplets were beading up. I squeezed her skin and pew, pew. Said like you’d make a laser sound. Streams of white shot out. Substance detected! Gentri is lactating! Apparently some dogs have false pregnancies after their cycle. Guess she’s one of them.

True story,

~ dmp

P.S : If you need any dog cheese let me know. JK ;)

Dear Wof,

I can’t sleep, and it’s for one reason. If only it was because I was thinking about you. But nope, don’t have that kind of time. Instead, I have 2 out of 4 paws pressing into my back. That’s failing by school standards, but Gentri doesn’t mind at all. She’s perfectly content with 2/3’s of the bed, 75% of the sheets, and 50% of her paws on my back. I’d say she’s doing pretty well for herself. Any attempt at moving her resorts in passive aggressive grunts, or a paw to the face in the morning. So sorry to inconvenience you dog. Her response, “Ehmm.” Which translated means, “Bitch needs her sleep!” Wait, she just turned over, I can sleep now. :)

~ dmp

Dear Wof,

Have you ever thought about how much birth plays into who we are, how we think, and what we become? I was born handsome, humble, and down right studdly. We can’t all be so lucky. On top of that I was born an MPWK (Mostly Privileged White Kid). I had to work for somethings, but many others were given to me. It’s my birth right. Seems a little skewed to me, but what are you going to do?

I was born to a hard working family in Bible belt USA and raised by fantastic parents. Not everyone can say that. The circumstances of my existence set me up to succeed at some things with far less resistance than other humans, but the opposite can also come into play. I’m intentionally staying vague. “Some things” might only include checkers but honestly I’m not too good at that game. All of this because I was born. That’s the fourth time I’ve said it, so hopefully you’ve figured out by now that I was indeed born.

I blame my thoughts on those books you’ve got me reading. “Dwayne, you need GoT in your life!” Yeah, I’m mocking you right now but I am not complaining. You may have indeed been right, but we will save that admission for the final book. My favorite is still John Snow but a bastard hardly has birth rights. Those rights are everything in the Game of Thrones. Even though we I don’t call it “Birth Rights” today, it sure does seem like it exists.

Winter is Coming,

~dmp

Dear Wof,

For the last few weeks I have been waking up at 6:00am with the goal being to get a solid 40hrs of work in every week. Waking up for me if quite the process, so when I say 6:00am I really mean out of bed by 7:30am. I set about 10 alarms each night, and the first goes off at 6, then there is an alarm every 15 minutes until 8:30. The last 4 alarms are fail safes to make sure that I get out of bed. So far my plan has worked!

I’ve also committed to doing pushups first thing. I do as many as I can in my jammys, then repeat the process as soon I’m dressed, and sometimes again right before I leave. I read somewhere that doing something physical will help you focus at work. On top of that I’ve been needing to work my antagonist muscles to compliment the pulling muscles of climbing.

And circling back. The first alarm goes off at 6 and startles me awake, engaging my favorite kind of sleep state. The snooze. You’re almost awake but not quite. You are aware of the time passing and yet still sleeping. It feels so good, and right before you get back into deep sleep…BEEP! BEEP! You are startled awake again only to realize it’s only 6:15 and you can enter snooze mode again :). By the 5th time you’ve done this, you’re almost fully awake and prepared to get out of bed. Satisfied with the number of times you were able to snooze.

I’m pretty sure this method is not going to fly with a partner. Note to self: Looking for a girl who will let me snooze 5 alarms but won’t repay me in kind.

~ dmp

Dear Wof,

We can’t all be as perfect as myself. It’s a lot of pressure when everyone likes you, laughs at your jokes, and envy’s your very prescience. That’s a burden I must bear, and I won’t trouble you with it. But today, I have a frustration I want to share with you. Two messages prompted this. Here they are followed and an over-analysis:

Suicide is the easy way out…

Do you see the insult here? Imagine you are the parent of child who chose suicide…This statement sings all kinds of insult. It’s heart breaking. It says: Your child took the easy way out. Your child was weak. Your child was a coward. Your child was selfish. This kind of statement seems like a cheap way to say what you really feel. Which if I may attempt is: Suicide is painful for the ones that are left behind. A totally different statement but I think most would agree it’s true and it’s meaning is so much clearer. At least to me. The next:

Come as you are…

Bet you can’t guess where I saw this? It was on a church billboard. Gosh, I’ve even said this. It seems like such a good message but it’s what it doesn’t say that hit me. This time when I read it, I saw: Come as you are…because you need fixing….so we(or God) can change who you are. I saw the “come as you are” as temporary. You’re welcome to come as you are, because who you are is going to change and that’s what we want. And this could go on and on, but I’ll let it be for now. I just never saw it like that before, and in a world where self worth is pretty damn low and self identity is clear as mud it certainly struck a minor chord.

That’s too much thinking on this non-sense. I’m trying to see the heart behind the message, and for the most part I think that’s good but words are so much louder than intention. And to end a quote from GoT.

Words are like arrows. Once loosed, you cannot call them back. ~Doran Martell

As perfect as I am, I certainly could work on taming my tongue a little more but don’t think that means I’m going to hold back my zingers from you ;)

~ dmp

Dear Wof,

I feel like I’ve been on a walkabout for some 4 years now. A friend of mine says:

Dwayne, you know you’re like a fart in the wind. You just never know where you’re going to waft.

And he’s right about one thing…I smell. Another friend of mind told me.

Dwayne, I don’t know what you’re doing but you’re on some sort of journey. I like it.

I have been. I’ve been searching for something and I haven’t been able to articulate just what that something is. Some might say it’s meaning, or purpose, but that’s not quite it. The only way I know how explain it, is to say I know when my life does not feel right. When it doesn’t, I try to make changes to fix that. Some might say they’ve been a little drastic.

Let brief you: In 2014 I left home to walk 2K miles. 2015 started with a road trip across the United States which I rounded out the year by once again dropping everything and driving to the top of Alaska. In 2016 I went on a series of mini(and many) trips amounting to about 40K miles throughout North America.  Then in 2017, you’ll never guess but I moved to Missoula, Montana. The worst part, I didn’t get a single good photo, find a halfway decent camping spot, nor see a single mountain. What’s wrong with this country, there’s just nothing beautiful around here…I’m holding up a sarcasm sign just in case you need the queue.

As drastic as each choice has been, I think I’ve really made some progress. I even know that the meaning of life! Spoiler Alert…It’s 42. If that doesn’t make since you’ll just have to discover it on your on.

Here’s to the journey,

Dwayne

P.S – Don’t Panic

Dear Wof,

How does it feel to be neglected? Did you even notice? Well, I haven’t missed you one bit. All those letter you wrote are just sitting in the closet. And if they actually existed I wouldn’t miss them either. I said that with a hard e, just wanted to clarify. I save the hard i for special occasions. But you can say it either(hard i) way. Which was not a special occasion but it gets the point across. Sometimes one just sounds a little nicer than the other.

What’s it been, a month since I last wrote? Don’t guess you’d know, you’d have to read the letters. Now, if you ever do, this one won’t make a lick of sense. Which I’ve recently discovered ‘lick’ doesn’t make sense to every one. Weird. I told someone “Gentri’s food bowls has bout had the lick.” and they looked at me like I was crazy. “What’s a lick?” It means the food bowl is on it’s last lick. Make sense?

Some news on the girl front…I’ve been on a few dates! Ouch, was that your heart breaking. That didn’t sound good. Don’t worry they’ve all been firsts and I’m not at 50 yet. They keep telling me I’m just way too handsome. This is usually followed by silence, but since text messages don’t make noise. It’s always followed by silence. It’s fine, I agree wholeheartedly. I am too handsome. That would have been a good time to use concur. So, I concur.

Holding down the singles fort.

~dmp

Dear WOF,

I’m done. That’s the best way to start a fed up letter. Fed up, that may be the first time I’ve ever written that out. Fed being the past of Feed which is a verb associated with Food…Interesting. Well maybe not but you’re still reading. Continuing…I can’t take dating apps anymore. I know, I know. Why would I even consider a dating app? A good looking fella like me shouldn’t have a problem. Agreed, but you got meet people some how.

Let’s start and probably end with Tindr, which has honestly been a pretty good place to meet people. My beef: Another food reference. Weird. I have a hard time with the profiling of people based on a few words and a photograph. But that’s what happens, at least to me. Let me explain or perhaps convolute.

The first assumption made is “Tindr is for hookups” therefore it’s assumed that you’re OK with hookups. That may be a fair assumption for some, but it’s resulted in a couple problems for me and those who aren’t interested in hooking up.

Problem: On a few dates I’ve felt like a considerable let down bc I haven’t made any ‘moves’ or invited them to my place afterwards. I don’t think I should feel this. It’s a first date. I don’t know them, and they don’t know me.

Solution: Be up front in your profile. To do this, I added “Not interested in hook ups” which of course I worded in a much classier way. I was hoping that it would alleviate that “let down” feeling.

Problem: It’s often assumed that guys who say this are lying so they can appear nice and still score. That means, you still feel like a let down when your date realizes you weren’t actually lying. This has not been the case for all dates by any means. But having felt like a let down in some way because of an assumption is ridiculous.

When a date has turned into multiple dates it’s resulted in mostly friend zoning, which is great for me but not so great for progressing a relationship. Why? Because it makes the relationship feel like it’s going no where. Why? I don’t know! This results in de-friend zoning and you get the gist. So that’s why I’m fed up.

Solution: It’s time to diet. DELETE. Problem solved.

Eat more spinach,

~dmp

PS: I’ve discovered a New Problem: How do you meet people again?

PPS: I met some really awesome people on Tindr. This might be a recurring problem. Not interested in hook-ups.

Dear Wof,

Brace yourself for wisdom. Are you braced? OK, here goes. “Don’t forget to breathe, you’ll live longer.” Mind blown? That’s about the best I’ve got for wisdom. It’s a good thing you braced yourself, huh? It’s been fun becoming a part of Missoula. I’m starting to make friends. Don’t be so surprised, I’m a nice guy. Edit: Turns out you can’t even be nice anymore(see r/niceguys it’s pretty funny and if there’s one thing serious it in this first paragraph it’s that I hope I never fit that subreddit). Regardless, I am clever, funny, handsome, and incredibly humble so what’s not to like. I’ve hit a couple weird bumps though. Well, I think they are:

  1. I don’t smoke either(hard i) herb. For the innocent that’s tobacco and marijuana.
  2. I only drink occasionally. Only one beer unless I’m feeling particularly festive, then I’ll have two. :) Party hard.
  3. I’m about as fun to party with as a rock.

In a town that has a drinking problem and no shortage of fun, my preferences make it a little difficult to meet people. Who wants to invite someone out who doesn’t do any of the above? I’m the definition of lame. And then there’s this awkward moment when someone offers you a spliff and you say no or in my “Nah man, I’m good.” Now they are wondering if you’re ok with it or judging. It shouldn’t be awkward but it really is. It would be more awkward and kinda funny if when asked “Are you OK if I smoke?” you responded with a hard “No!” and then remained silent for a bit. Haha. But seriously I don’t mind at all. I like the smell of it too. So smoke away dude. I just choose not to partake in it for my own reasons. No they are not religious, but they are well overthought and would bore you more than this letter has. Oh, there’s more boring stuff to come, so don’t worry.

Those traits then compound on to my dating problems. Looking forward to this huh?! Yes, you’re bout to hear me whine a little bit. Don’t worry I’ve got plenty of cheese to go with it. So picking up where I left off with the last letter, I fit pretty solidly in the friend zone. I like it. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep with a beautiful date, I just know how much that will screw my head up. Some can handle it, but I can’t. Didn’t I tell you I fall hard. In some ways I fear that I’m never going to meet someone who thinks that becoming friends first is as sexy as I do. And that’s where one of my new friends wisdom comes in…”Dwayne, you just have to believe that someone is out there and at some point you guys are going to cross paths.” I translate that to a mantra: “Trust the process.” Dear someone who’s out there, I can’t wait to meet you, I could really use a hella beautiful friend. Maybe it will turn into something more.

Poor, lonesome, but still handome handsome. Not sure what handome is? New slang for face-palm maybe? Hand Dome. OK, not funny, but kinda?

~dmp

P.S. – I deleted those apps….again. I’ve got bigger adventures to have than all that swiping left. You can still ski in MONTANA!!!!!!

Dear Wof,

Have you ever wanted to tell someone how beautiful they were? No strings attached, well maybe a thin thread of a small crush but nothing worth clinging too. It’s ok to have a crush on a beautiful soul right? Or at least one who has given you that impression. A crush is pretty much worthless in the end though. So I’m pulling out another pair of scissors and…snip.

A crush,
Dangled on a string,
Like slow spinning confection,
Sweet to taste,
As temptation meets my eyes…
Infatuated i am hopeless,
I’m undone,
Blah blah blah blah blah blah

Oh those dashboard confessionals and really bad jokes. But seriously, maybe finding love is a series of crushes whose threads you tug on until one doesn’t break.

Why does it feel so weird to flatter someone when you know you really mean it? I don’t want her to think I’m just trying to woo her, and I don’t want to creep her out. But at some point is it a risk you take? Do intentions justify an action? And what do you say to make it not weird? Do you tell them how you really enjoyed the time you’ve got to spend getting to know them? That you wish you could have more and understand the little observances. Tell me more about why don’t listen rap music? Why you are not that type? What does that mean? Why does the Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck speak to you? Is there some hurt there? She has a confidence about her but there’s something more under the surface. Is that true with every human? That has me curious and I wish I knew.

And then, I want to tell her that she’s absolutely gorgeous and I hope she never worries about finding someone. She has a beautiful, no a radiant smile. I always get stuck on the word beautiful. I need to be more creative but she is so pretty when she smiles. When I first met her I thought, “Now that’s the kind of girl I want”. She has an outlook on life that is one step ahead of the curve IMO. She’s not chasing the material, and she’s learning to live in the moment. She doesn’t seem to have bought into the stereotypical life(not that there is anything wrong with that). Then again, I hardly know her. I don’t think these things about everyone though, and I’m not attached to an outcome. It’s just nice to make someone feel beautiful, and it’s best when you’re not lying. There I go justifying an action. Is that good or bad? I don’t know.

But you know, maybe it’s best to not say anything. Maybe you passively hope that they’ll stumble across this letter and never know it was for them. They’ll most likely think you’re weird anyways and you’ll just scare them off. A little voice says, “You never know until you try”. And a bigger voice says, “Don’t tell her about the little voice, it’s definitely going creep her out.”

Opting Out

dmp

P.S – I’m not talking about you…
P.P.S – You are beautiful too.

Dear Wof,

It’s been about 6 years since the divorce. I’m not going to go into details about it. You can read that on my blog if you really want. You’ll have to find it though, adding a link would make it too easy and I don’t really want to wander through those archives. Lots of cob webs. I always feel this strange need to try and explain why it happened though. In part so others don’t just me wrongly, I care way too much about opinions. I won’t explain it this time. It’s a good practice. “You don’t have to justify everything Dwayne.” You’re right, I’m talking to myself.

I don’t think about that past life often though. Very few even know that I was married. I forget that. It’s funny, there was a point in my life where every one knew me as the collective. Dwayne & Sharon…and Bobby(tear). Now it’s the different. It’s just me and my little red ray of sunshine. My dirl(dog & girl combined). Dwayne & Gentri.

Today I thought, which is a good thing, because if I hadn’t then someone should’ve called an ambulance. Oh the jokes are getting worse. Today I wondered if Sharon would even know me? If we were to run into each other who would she see? At one point she knew me better than anyone, and now she doesn’t know me at all. Would I be a complete stranger or an old friend? I wonder if I turned out the way that she thought I would? Damn, life takes some crazy turns. Not thinking on that much longer.

Bobby was the last piece of that life I had. He died last July. I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t. I imagine somewhere on social media that news made it to her. It was just too much. I dreamed about Bob-O the other night. I don’t really dream that often, but it was good seeing my boy. That dog meant a lot to me. Drying those tears. I sure am lucky to have Gentri.

Oh I finished Game of Thrones, and another book which I highly recommend. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. It’s beautiful. Did you hear GRRM announced a new book! Coming out this year, too bad it’s not the next in the series. I knew I was going to have to wait forever if I read that book. OK that’s over dramatic. I knew I was going to have to wait longer than I wanted too. haha.

That’s a betting ending,

~ dmp

P.S – You still haven’t written me, yet here I am writing another wof forsaken letter.

Dear WOF

One of my great temptations is to write at someone. Sometimes I want to vent, to passively correct a wrong, but I’d say most of the time I want to impress. And more than likely it’s to impress a girl, but don’t worry it’s not you. Let me take you on a lack luster trip through the rabbit hole.  These temptations leave me in conflict because I can neither say what I want nor articulate my exact motivation. I can hardly see it. It’s just a blurry outline trying to come into focus. Why am I writing this? Her smile fades into focus but when I see it, it fades out. I’m not trying to impress her. I don’t want her. And then it comes back and I see it more clearly. I feel the desire. “Please notice me.” I deny that I would want something so simple. I justify my words claiming that I’m writing something someone else might relate to. But her smile. “Please notice me. Please. I think I’m worth your attention.” But posts are the silent words of a coward. They are a wallflower at a dance eyeing a dame they want to twirl, yet never speaking out. I wouldn’t normally use dame but girl would have made that sentence too cheesy. Continuing…The wallflower just hopes to be noticed, but unnoticed hope leaves them feeling defeated. They want to impress, but both silence and passiveness rarely get attention. That’s the nature of the two. I am the wallflower and so are my words. Wanting so bad to catch the attention of one and failing to see the problems with specificity, fear of failure, motivations, and a host of other things. But that’s what I’m wanting. I can’t eliminate that feeling in this moment but I can’t move forward. Too risky. I want to impress, but I sit here afraid to fail because the goal is too specific. Every egg in one basket, but not one egg in a basket at the same time. Does any of this make sense? My point exactly. What am I trying to say? “Please notice me!” Why are you still sitting there? “Because what if I fail” and to quote my roommates Instagram account. “But what if you fly?”

Then how do you land?

dmp

Dear Wof

I think we all like to be right. To at least feel like we are right most of the time. Or in your case, every once in a while. But it’s nice to feel like we’ve passed good judgment over a situation, a person, or whatever. In hope that, in the words of my friend Kirk, “[Our] future selves will thank us.” But why is it, when something feels just a little against better judgment it lingers on the mind. The force is strong with this one. And there it is, bidding me come to a darker side but is that fear or sound judgment.

I over analyze most situations, the consequence is not dire so am I just over thinking? Let me give you a little clarity. There’s this girl. You smell what I’m stepping in. Don’t be jealous, there’s lots of girls out there. But I might have a slight crush on the girl in this example. You would think those kinds of feelings would have ended with high school, but they don’t. The main thing that’s changed are the number of scars we have to jump over to turn a crush into something worth while. What’s worth while? I like to think a wife would be nice, though that thought is a little unnerving. And another quote from someone I can’t remember “You’ll know when it’s right.” So what’s so dark about a crush?

We communicate with each other through various tactics. We being the collective human race. In a way, I’m communicating to her now, passively. “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.” But truly I am and hopefully Carly Simon knows that song really was about him. Kinda ironic. Reading these letters is not her priority at all so I doubt she’ll see but I am talking about some event associated with some one. The point is, in that same way, every Instagram post, Facebook post, or whatever social media post we create is a form of communication towards something. Sometimes we read too far into it, and other’s we miss entirely. Once, I was de-boy-friended on Facebook, it wasn’t the exact moment of termination but it was the hint that prompted the end of life questions. “Babe, why are we not together on FB anymore?” “I just didn’t want John to find out.” Hmmm….why does it matter if John finds out? Suspicious? That was a rough night, and an extreme example. Clearly something was trying to be communicated or she was daft. Other times it’s more subtle, a story shared or a comment posted. And that’s where the judgment gets blurry. Our minds will make up shit, our vanity will assume it’s about us, but still we talk at people and sometimes a hint is easier than a no. Let them decipher.

So the judgment is to determine if another is trying to communicate or simply unaware that they are communicating. If they are intentionally using tactics to communicate then is it negative, are they trying to be manipulative, and what are they trying to say. If you think too hard about it, it’s scary AF. I don’t want to be the daft one who missed the hint. Is that rational, or a past scar flagging suspicions. “All you have to do is meet him, and he will never know.” That’s what she told John and believe it or not, John and I were “friends”. I taste bile in my mouth. That’s what happens where you are naive, and I don’t wanna make that mistake again. But that’s my point, are those kinds of judgments results of fear or are they sound? Is that fair to put on someone? O’m not sure it is. But am I saying that because my crush is beautiful and I’m failing to take the hint? Am I failing to see the kind of person she really is? OK, I’m stepping out of this circle for a while.

My choice, give them the benefit of the doubt. Infatuation will wear off anyways, and who knows tomorrow you might be able to make a sounder judgment.

Relax, this song is not about you,

Dwayne