I think we all like to be right. To at least feel like we are right most of the time. Or in your case, every once in a while. But it’s nice to feel like we’ve passed good judgment over a situation, a person, or whatever. In hope that, in the words of my friend Kirk, “[Our] future selves will thank us.” But why is it, when something feels just a little against better judgment it lingers on the mind. The force is strong with this one. And there it is, bidding me come to a darker side but is that fear or sound judgment.
I over analyze most situations, the consequence is not dire so am I just over thinking? Let me give you a little clarity. There’s this girl. You smell what I’m stepping in. Don’t be jealous, there’s lots of girls out there. But I might have a slight crush on the girl in this example. You would think those kinds of feelings would have ended with high school, but they don’t. The main thing that’s changed are the number of scars we have to jump over to turn a crush into something worth while. What’s worth while? I like to think a wife would be nice, though that thought is a little unnerving. And another quote from someone I can’t remember “You’ll know when it’s right.” So what’s so dark about a crush?
We communicate with each other through various tactics. We being the collective human race. In a way, I’m communicating to her now, passively. “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.” But truly I am and hopefully Carly Simon knows that song really was about him. Kinda ironic. Reading these letters is not her priority at all so I doubt she’ll see but I am talking about some event associated with some one. The point is, in that same way, every Instagram post, Facebook post, or whatever social media post we create is a form of communication towards something. Sometimes we read too far into it, and other’s we miss entirely. Once, I was de-boy-friended on Facebook, it wasn’t the exact moment of termination but it was the hint that prompted the end of life questions. “Babe, why are we not together on FB anymore?” “I just didn’t want John to find out.” Hmmm….why does it matter if John finds out? Suspicious? That was a rough night, and an extreme example. Clearly something was trying to be communicated or she was daft. Other times it’s more subtle, a story shared or a comment posted. And that’s where the judgment gets blurry. Our minds will make up shit, our vanity will assume it’s about us, but still we talk at people and sometimes a hint is easier than a no. Let them decipher.
So the judgment is to determine if another is trying to communicate or simply unaware that they are communicating. If they are intentionally using tactics to communicate then is it negative, are they trying to be manipulative, and what are they trying to say. If you think too hard about it, it’s scary AF. I don’t want to be the daft one who missed the hint. Is that rational, or a past scar flagging suspicions. “All you have to do is meet him, and he will never know.” That’s what she told John and believe it or not, John and I were “friends”. I taste bile in my mouth. That’s what happens where you are naive, and I don’t wanna make that mistake again. But that’s my point, are those kinds of judgments results of fear or are they sound? Is that fair to put on someone? O’m not sure it is. But am I saying that because my crush is beautiful and I’m failing to take the hint? Am I failing to see the kind of person she really is? OK, I’m stepping out of this circle for a while.
My choice, give them the benefit of the doubt. Infatuation will wear off anyways, and who knows tomorrow you might be able to make a sounder judgment.
Relax, this song is not about you,