Letters to Wof - White Substances


These letters probably won't make a whole lot of sense. They are a creative experiment that I hope you find funny, but if not that's ok. Learn more here :)

Dear Wof,

I have a funny story for you! Yes, you’re going to laugh. This morning I woke up. If I hadn’t it would be safe to assume that I would be incapable of writing this. Well I guess I could have awoken a zombie, in which case I would still be incapable. But that has nothing to do with the story. Upon awakening I found a clear crusty substance on the sheets. Now I know what you’re thinking and I haven’t owned a bottle of Elmer’s craft glue in years so that was most definitely not it. It could have been egg whites but that would be more runny, and this has more of a jelly consistency.

When my bitch rolled over, I felt residue on her tummy and all over the inside of her legs. So, I grabbed a warm wash cloth and began to clean her. The drying goo was everywhere. I no idea of what it could be until further examination of her nipples. White droplets were beading up. I squeezed her skin and pew, pew. Said like you’d make a laser sound. Streams of white shot out. Substance detected! Gentri is lactating! Apparently some dogs have false pregnancies after their cycle. Guess she’s one of them.

True story,

~ dmp

P.S : If you need any dog cheese let me know. JK ;)


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