A Reason to Sing

I’ve been so angry lately. I feel as far away from God as I’ve ever felt, but at the same time as close as I’ve ever been. I wanted to share this song because I think sometimes we all need a little reassurance. We all need a reason to sing.

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Dating…Now that’s a problem.

One of my best friends called me today. “Dwayne, when was the last time you went on a date?” he asked. I laughed. He responded with “Why not!” More laughing. That’s how I dodge the awkwardness. Just embrace it, I know I’m pathetic.

He checks on me quite regularly, and the response is always the same. It’s nice to have a friend who cares so much. It was easier to answer that kind of question when I was on the trail though. I’m walking to Maine. I smell like a Sasquatch. I look like a Sasquatch. Am I Sasquatch? Nope, I need to shave. Easily avoided and all valid answers for singleness.

“Well, are you interested in anyone?” Sure, but I have about .000003% chance there. Believe me the math is valid. And for those of you wondering, yes I’ve tried. Sigh. Is that a valid reason? Well…I like my odds.

I’m just picky, and inherently that means……I’m single, but at least I can have fun with it. One day, I’ll look back and laugh at this post. And there is now a .000002% chance it will be romantic (that is if you like that sort of thing). And a .999998% chance it won’t. Oh well.

Lucky you, it’s been so long since I’ve posted a song, I’ve decided to leave you all with some nice cheesy originals down below. Hope you enjoy :)

Trail Shock Part 2


I’ve been trying to write this post for a few days now. A recent commenter was asking if the trail affected me in ways besides the physical. I’ve thought about this a lot and found that it’s hard to describe and know the changes the trail may have had, if any. Honestly, I feel perfectly normal. I was a little over whelmed when I first got home but no more than a person who has just returned to a desk full of work after vacation.

For the past few weeks I’ve tried to walk, run, or just do something to get my legs moving again. They are punishing me for what I put them through. Friday, I had the high school soccer team run up Deep Creek. I knew I wouldn’t make it far, but I decided to run with them for as far as I could. I made it about 1/2 a mile before the pain in my knees was just too much. I walked the rest of the way, which was nice, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I just walked 2,185 miles and I can’t run but 1/2 a mile. It was a little depressing at first and as I proceeded on with my pity party I realized that my mental and emotional health is very closely tied to my physical health and athletic ability.

Allow me to complain for just a minute now. I have no confidence in my feet, the lack of feeling makes me feel clumsy. Feeling clumsy is a little embarrassing and I don’t like feeling embarrassed. My left knee feels like it needs to be greased. Do they make knee grease? I hobble to work, to lunch, and pretty much where ever I go. I don’t want attention but I sure do look like I’m trying to get it. That’s certainly annoying. Anyhow, these physical aliments welcome self-pity, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. This affects my desire to do the things I love. Not being able to do what I love makes me feel depressed. You see, here comes the pity party….I really don’t feel sorry for myself but it’s certainly tempting.

It’s hard to really examine how the trail changed me. I know it did but I feel like I’m over examining myself to find something to say. A lot of stress has stemmed from the shear physical shock of the trail. Not being able to run, not feeling confident in my feet, and just sitting around makes it easy to feel a little down. Those things are big deals for me. I’m in the best shape of my life and I can’t do anything but walk around a track!

There are a couple of things I miss though. I guess they are worth mentioning.

  • I miss having a simple goal. On the trail, the goal was a location. That was it. Now, I have what seems like hundreds of goals. I feel scattered and it’s hard to just pick a direction.
  • I miss not caring about my hygiene. Well, apart from brushing my teeth, that’s an essential.
  • I miss having a good excuse for being single. “I don’t have time”. That was always good.

Well, I guess that’s it. I wasn’t trying to dodge the original question. I just don’t really know how to answer. Maybe I’ll know better in a few weeks, or a few months when I’m not so focused on all these physical and social hurdles. I’m really looking forward to hitting the woods again.

Filling the Love

Welcome Home Burger

Just about everyday I eat at this little sandwich shop in Bryson City called the Filling Station. Burgers are one of my favorite things but they only have them as special and on rare occasions. This beautiful mountain of a burger was my welcome home from the trail present. Doesn’t get much better than a burger, sweet potato fries, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, and some sweet tea. If you make it to Bryson City be sure to stop by the Filling Station. There’s a pretty good chance I’ll be there.  Oh an by the way fried pies are the Friday special. Get there early because they go fast!!! I’m super thankful for the present!!!

I’m A Survivor

I’m a wall flower. Always have been. I’m that guy who sits quietly and awkwardly at the brewery because I’m perfectly happy just sitting. I’m the guy who doesn’t want a drink and not because I don’t partake but because I’m not thirsty. I don’t smoke and I teeter on the fine like between nerd and geek. Really, I’m a pretty boring chap but….

I’m a survivor. I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to stop. I’m going to work harder. I’m a survivor. I’m going to make it. I will survive. Keep on surviving.

I’m the guy who just made you read Destiny’s Child lyrics simply because I thought it would be funny. No seriously…I’m laughing right now…hoping that for just a moment you took those lyrics seriously. Hoping you know that song. Whew….Yep…you probably didn’t find that so funny, huh?

When you’re by yourself you’re the funniest person around and your imagination can have as much fun as it’d like. There is no shortage of solitude on the trail, at least if you want it. I spent hours talking to myself. Imagining plants forming complex social groups. The wild ramps were especially fun being both a food source and social being. Searching for the little trolls who, I’m convinced, were hiding underground waiting for the opportunity to trip me. They can move the roots you know. And those darn Rock Gnomes have stubbed my toes more times than I’d like. How did we get on Rock Gnomes?

Being at home is nice, but it doesn’t take much much to remember that others don’t find me so funny. They just think I’m weird. Sigh. It was kind of nice being the funny guy….