I want to tell you “You’re Beautiful”
Cause I get high off your smile
Don’t want to make you uncomfortable
That kind of thing’s not my style

I want to tell you “You’re so Smart,
One day you’ll conquer the world.”
I want to make you feel beautiful
You’re such a wonderful girl

But I don’t want to go too far
I’m sure I’ve gone and said too much
If delivery’s the key to charm
I’m sure that I’ve quite messed it up

Story: It’s been months since I’ve written a song. Not because I haven’t wanted to but because I haven’t had anything to sing about. I put a lot of myself into them, even the cheesy ones. I can’t just make up songs anytime I want. I know it’s short, but I put a lot of thought into those 12 lines. Probably more than worth mentioning. The song is about wanting to tell someone how you feel but being afraid you’ve timed it poorly. Things are always worse in my mind than they really are. I am constantly over analyzing myself. I take something that should be simple and make it terribly complicated but I don’t mean to. Then I criticize myself and beat myself down into this state of failure. It’s not with everything, primarily just relationships. If I make a girl that I like feel uncomfortable it really bothers me, then it’s a land slide of uncomfortable attempts at redemption. Most of the time the best thing for me to do is just shut up and hope the awkwardness passes. Anyhow that’s the progression: confidence, brief reconsideration, more confidence, another bout of reconsideration, over analyzation, and lastly self-incrimination. See, I told you I put more into it than worth mentioning. I hope you enjoy and if you make it this far I’d love to know if you liked it :)

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I Almost Missed Out


I’ve got a condition. Pretty sure I’ve known about it for a while but it wasn’t until today that I knew the words to describe it. Rewind…

Two days ago, I went to Lake Santeetlah for the first time to go for a boat ride, wakeboard, and tube. My friend, Lewis, has a really nice boat. I had never wakeboarded before and it’s definitely been on my bucket list since high school.

So Lewis goes first. He shows us just how easy it is. He pops up first try, does a few jumps, rides until he’s tired and then gracefully sinks when he lets go. Easy peasy. I nominated Stephen to try first. I wasn’t scared but for whatever reason I was thoroughly embarrassed. Stephen tried a few times but his arms were hurting him so he came in. Let’s face it he’s a weeny. I hope he reads this ;) Anyhow, like I said, I was thoroughly embarrassed. Why? I have no idea. I was actually shaking as I put the board on and plopped into the water, though they may not have noticed.

You see, I love to learn. I learn all kinds of things just for the sake of it. For instance, I can throw a lasso, play the penny whistle, and complete the rubix’s cube. Not real good, but that’s not the point. The thing is, I almost always learn how to do something in privacy until I am good enough to not be too embarrassed.

This was my first time wakeboarding, and there I was on the verge of not going at all because I was a little embarrassed. Well, a lot embarrassed. Luckily, there is no way Stephen would have let me not go.

It took a few failures for my nerves to finally settle down and for me to actually start having fun. After being dragged many feet through the water I finally figured out how to get up.  Once I was standing, it was even more fun than I had imagined. It was like a happy combination of skateboarding and snowboarding. Amazing!!!

And now back to the point. I’m not sure I’ve ever really recognized my irrational sense of embarrassment to try something new in front of people. I’ve always known that I hate participating in things that I am not at least decent at but I had never found the words to describe it. And the truth of the matter is that I take myself way too seriously.

I don’t know that there is anything wrong with that, but it does steal joy and in my case it prohibits me from learning new things. And I know that I’ve missed out for that exact reason. That’s why I hate dancing, parties, and anything that involves “letting go”. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever like those things but the point has been made.

That lake trip was so much fun. Below is a video of some crashes Stephen recorded. My favorite part is his laugh.

I love that out of control, skipping through the water feeling. And for your entertainment, I found some amazing barefoot crashes. Maybe, I’ll try this next. I have wimpy feet and that could be a problem.

August 31 – Head in the Clouds

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I met this family at the Woods Hole Hostel in VA. It’s so cool knowing that they finished. What an amazing accomplishment!!!

Originally posted on A Family Adventure of the 2,185 mile hike from Georgia to Maine - 2014:

We woke up early and hit the trail by five thirty to try to beat the forecasted weather expected to roll in later in the day. Most of the other thru-hikers had a similar approach and were on the trail between five and five-thirty. But even Spider-Man, the fastest of us up the mountain (in about two hours and ten minutes), ended up with his head in the clouds.

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Love Letters

There’s a pile of paper by his bed. He has spent hours searching for the perfect words to say. Scratched out countless lines. None of them are good enough. The feelings are there but the words are not. He tries again. He writes each word meticulously, neatly, making sure every words is legible, every word perfect. He closes “With Love” comma. He signs his name. He reads, re-reads, and reads again. Removes the paper from the pad. And starts over. It’s still not good enough.

Two Blinks

She smiles. All he can do is stare. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk, he can’t. Not when she looks at him like that.

Two blinks.
Looking for words.
Two more.

The knot has long migrated from his stomach to his throat. “Confidence”, he tells himself, “be confident!” but his knees buckle. How can he be confident? She’s so beautiful.

Two blinks.
She’s still smiling.
Two more.

She speaks, but he can’t hear her. All he can see are the depths of her eyes, the freckles on her checks, and that gorgeous smile. He’s lost.

Two blinks.
Looking for composure.
Two more.