By: Dwayne Parton

The Chair Scenario

You know how teachers say “Don’t lean back in your chair” or “Keep all four legs on the ground please”? Obviously they are implying that you could flip over backwards and hurt yourself. There are always reasons for rules and rules like this are put in place because some clumsy fool has flipped over backwards and got hurt.

I must confess, that if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had been told this rule all through school, I would believe that I am one of the reasons for it.

Yesterday, I was reminded of so many fun memories while I was visiting my Alma Mater, Mars Hill. Today I have decided to share one. The chair scenario. This all happened in over time period of just about .97648 seconds but it felt like minutes.

It was during an English class that I was taking my sophomore year I believe. I’m only questioning the validity of the year, it was definitely an English class. I was never good at English so please allow me to use that excuse when I structure a sentence poorly or use words which I think sound intelligent but make no sense. Like the title, really I just think it sounds cool.

Anyhow, I was leaning back in my chair, which as previously stated is a bad idea, when the floor apparently shifted and the two legs on which I was leaning upon followed their uplifted brethren. Typical right. Kid leans back in chair, legs fly out from under and the clumsy kid falls. This situation, however, was atypical. You see I never fell. I’m smooth like that. Instead I kicked the desk in front of me sending it flying approximately 3 feet forward making that awful sound that school desks and chairs make when that slide across those waxy vinyl tile floors. Reaaaaak! This was a great move on my part for now my chair was no longer in the perpetual falling motion but had come to a halt teetering on which direction gravity would take it.

Sense I am an exceptionally fast thinker I knew that the wall behind me would be the perfect catalyst to set me upright. I swung my arms back in a sweeping motion snagging some small piece of insignificant plastic as I saved my self, while simultaneously turning off the lights to the classroom. My jaw dropped as quickly as my brain sent signals to my arm screaming for it to reactivate that not so insignificant little piece of plastic. And the lights were back on as quickly as they went off.

You know it’s amazing how fast the heads turned. I had just made the most phenomenal save in my life and the class was laughing, the professor was glaring, and I was filled with the satisfaction of my performance while at the same time had the “oh, $@%#!” face as my eyes came into contact with the professors.

I’m pretty convinced she was laughing inside. I mean how could you not! Oh that .97648 seconds. What a fantastic moment. Needless to say, I received a C in that class.